What do you do with a stubborn, strong will, scheming child? I don’t know, but I was that Child.

My parents had two sons, my older brother and me. My mother was in charge of the household and raising the children. She raised my brother like a typical Chinese parent, making sure he did well in school and in learning the piano. My mother sat next to him while he practiced and they would have many arguments, but in the end, he would listen and be the good son.

I, on the other hand, was always looking for a short cut. When my mom started me on piano lessons, I figured out that I could use the numbers above the notes that corresponded with which finger to press. This worked for a while and no one was wiser to this scheme. I progressed quickly. Then, when the songs got more difficult and I had to move my hand to a new position, my scheme failed me. At this point, my parents realized what I was doing and decided to discontinue my piano lessons.

As for my studies, my parents initially sent me to the “best” elementary school in Miami, but that meant that my dad had to drive me to school and arrive over an hour before school started. So my mom found math multiplication and division worksheets and had me complete these, so I would not get in trouble. I figured out how to do them quickly. First looking for the problems multiplied by zero and one. Then, I would look for problems that were repeated and write the same answer. So my daily 100 multiplication problems were finished in no time and I had plenty of time to play.

I think my parents figured out that they could not raise me like my brother. They started to give me more independence as long as I did well in school. In high school, I made a deal with my parents that they would give me an allowance of $50 a month and I would not ask for any more money from them. I would take care of all my needs: buying clothes, going out with my friends, and paying for gas.

My parents continued to give me independence, but they also gave me more responsibility. My mom told me that she would only be doing laundry every two weeks and if I wanted to wear something that was dirty, I would have to do my own laundry. They also gave me the responsibility of finding my way back from school (which was about 2 miles away). Somehow I was able to get a ride home from school and never had to walk home. My parents never asked me how I made it home.

As I look back and reflect on how my parents raised me, they gave me freedom while also giving me responsibility. This was not their only strategy, they also had the strategy of surrounding me with good influences. My parents were devout and faithful Christians and they never compromised with me about not going to church on Sunday. This never came up for discussion; it was just what we did on Sunday. They also sent me to a Christian School, where again I was surrounded by teachers and students who were Christians.

My parents’ ultimate strategy was teaching their Christian faith by being an example. My father was the face of the family, as he was the first Deacon / Elder at the Miami church and was heavily involved with the church. My mother would support my father in allowing him to serve faithfully while she took care of the home. For example, they would host a bible study where my father would teach and lead and my mother would cook dinner for over a hundred Chinese students every week.

My mother was always the quiet one, but her example of being a Christian was always there. If I got up early, I would catch my mother having her quiet time, reading her Bible and praying. She read the Bible so much that the binding was falling apart. She was also diligent in tithing. She would write on an index card for every check that was written to the church or for a missionary, making sure they have donated at least 10% of their income.

So with all these good examples and guidance, you would think that of course, I would be a Christian, but that was not the case. As I went off to college, I wanted to explore and I strayed, but for some reason, I had a tug in my heart to seek out a church. But what kept me seeking God again? Was it the influence of my parents? Was it the influence of the years going to church? Was it the influences of my Christian School? I believe it was none of them. I believe it was the daily morning prayers by my mother. She had faith that God was in control and she needed to trust that God would answer her prayers and keep me in the faith. She did not have to rely on her own ways. She lived out the first memory verse that I learned Proverbs 3:5-7

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your path. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil.”

My mother trusted in God. She trusted that God would keep me on the straight and narrow path. While she gave me my independence, her prayers were to God to keep me safe and grow as a child of God. She never checked up on me or ask about my grades, but again trusted that my future was in His hands.

As I get older, I finally realize that I may want to scheme to get my way, but I need to put my future in God’s hand. As I put my future in His hands, I not only have peace, but come to realize what is really important. In the hymn “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”, it says as we seek God, the “things of the world will grow strangely dim.” As my children are now on their own and married, I need to follow my mother’s lead and pray for their future, as God knows what’s best for them.